NFL Week 9 Picks: Broncos over Patriots, Texans upset Eagles

Before we get to the Week 9 picks, we need to talk about Week 8 -- and when I say we need to talk about Week 8, I specifically mean we need to talk about quarterbacks who take selfies.
Here's a list of people I expect to take selfies: Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus, people who make duck face, all teenagers, any member of One Direction, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, people who workout at the gym with their phone in their hand, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber and anyone who watches ABC Family.
Here's a list of people I don't expect to take selfies: NFL quarterbacks, my grandpa and anyone who owns a flip phone.
I'm not saying that selfies are directly correlated to losses in the NFL, but the evidence is clearly there. Titans quarterback Zach Mettenberger spent his entire week taking selfies -- and guess what happened to the Titans? They lost and Mettenberger even got made fun of by J.J. Watt.

You know who doesn't take selfies? Tom Brady.
You know who won in Week 8? Tom Brady.
You know what Tom Brady does when he wants to put a photo on the internet? He takes pictures with his supermodel wife and posts them on Facebook.

Do you see that picture? That's expert level trashing talking.
Brady is holding up five fingers because he threw five touchdown passes. Gisele is holding up one finger because her husband is No. 1. And when you combine Brady's five fingers and Gisele's one finger together, you get 51, which is how many points the Patriots scored against the Bears. This picture has so many layers, it's more complex than something written by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I think the lesson here is obvious: marry a supermodel and post a lot of pictures on Facebook.
Anyway, lets stop talking selfies and get to the Week 8 picks -- where I promise not to post anymore pictures of Zach Mettenberger. However, I can't make that same promise with pictures of Tom Brady and Gisele.
If you want to make fun of me for all of the wrong picks I made last week, you can do that in the comment section or on Twitter. If you want to watch Marshawn Lynch try to hit someone from TMZ with a suitcase, you can click here.
If you don't care about NFL picks or Marshawn Lynch and you're just here for my weekly picture of an animal in an NFL jersey, well, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. The good news is that there is an animal. The bad news is that it's not in an NFL jersey.
I don't think you're going to mind though because how many times in your life do you get to see someone in a Denver Broncos horse head take a selfie with a terrified cat? Probably never, right? Well, you're in luck