This Year's Best Episode Of Once Upon A Time Stays In The Real World

Last night's episode of Once Upon A Time finally started answering some questions and kicking ass. Specifically, Regina was doing the ass-kicking by telling Emma that she is the worst. Hear, hear!

Last night, Emma took a break from making out with her boyfriend (they're boyfriend/girlfriend now because they kissed in public; that's like two kisses away from getting married and having a kid in this town) and started chasing down the Snow Witch.

Basically, the Snow Queen creates a giant ice viking and imprisons Elsa in "fear ice manacles" (ha) in order to get a mirror. But more on that later. By gathering this magical mirror, the Snow Queen kind of forced a super reluctant Regina and Emma back together. Here starts Emma's very pathetic—and frankly bad—forgive me dance. Emma hounds Regina in the woods, doing her best "look at my scrunchie face I'm nice come oooooon" apology and Regina wants NONE OF IT. It's fantastic. Eventually the whole thing comes to a head and Regina delivers this emotional gut punch:

"You're trying to win me over to try and assuage your guilt... You ruined my life, and there's no coming back from that. I know you think you didn't mean to, but you hurt someone. So do as I do, learn to live with it. Welcome to my world. "

Yes, Emma you ruined Regina's life. You are a shit person. Stop trying to force this woman, who is desperately trying to do the right thing even though it would be way easier for her to go all "Evil Queen" and kill everyone, to forgive you because YOU feel bad. Just feel bad. Just sit there and feel bad in your badness. Wallow in the badness, maybe cry a little. Because you're wrong and bad and you suck. Sure, you saved Marianne, but let's not forget your time-traveling meddling could have slipped the world's existence, and the very life of your child, into a paradox of nothingness. You selfish twit.

OK, I got that out. I feel better. And I bet Regina feels better too, because we have ALL been holding that speech in forever, and now it's out and we can move forward. Maybe that's what Regina needed to say to forgive her? Maybe? But either way, it felt good on my end to hear that after watching a whole episode of Regina have a fun date in spite of me seriously cheering on Regina and her character growth and watching her get treated like an old bag of leaves by this series. THANK YOU.

But, alas, this series doesn't want you to hate Emma. They want you to love her, so Emma gets a flashback. A flashback that is all about Emma. You see Emma made a friend once, who was Basically Regina. 

Long story short, Basically Regina lied to Emma about being rich and then got Emma's ass thrown back into "the system." And as this show has taught us there is nothing worse than the system and adoption, so this is just the worst. When the two girls were getting split up, Basically Regina asks Emma to call her and Young Emma is just like, "Nah." It was way harsh. Clueless "way harsh," harsh.

This flashback was all about Emma learning that she gives up on people too easily. But that's not going to happen now, and all Swan Queen shippers hold onto your fucking hats, because Emma rejects Regina's apology rejection and they basically become friends again (sort of). It's great. I liked it all. I didn't need to see the whole backstory to learn that basic fact, but it helps set up the Snow Queen, so OK I'll buy it. I'm just glad that Regina said what she did, and even happier that Emma denied her denial of their friendship. Because now they can finally fall back in hate/love.

OK, now onto the Snow Queen. Remember how the whole ruse was to get Regina's magic mirror? Turns out she's building her own magic mirror. This reveal made me go crazy clappy clappy clap. In the Snow Queen fairy tale (at least the version I'm familiar with), there was a magic mirror that was possessed by an evil creature (or even satan). The mirror is broken and pieces get into a character's eyes and turn him into a cold, heartless person. It's all very scary and kind of cool. I'm not sure what the Snow Queen is going to do with this seemingly complete mirror, but I love the idea of her brainwashing Emma and Elsa into being her blonde babies. 

 This idea totally folds into the big reveal of the Snow Queen's identity. Turns out, she ran one of the homes that Emma lived in, perhaps it is here where she gained her obsession with Emma? Either way, it's great. Glad to see Once playing around with the old roots of this character.

I truly enjoyed this episode. I even enjoyed the seemingly ridiculous Snow and Charming side plot and all the non-pop tart, pop tarts mentioned because of this exchange:

Knave: "So I'm supposed to believe that the Sheriff's Wife can grant me my freedom?"

Snow: "I'm also the mayor."

Knave: "He did it." 

 Very, very glad to have someone with this kind of sharp wit on this show. If ABC had to make Wonderland only to wind up giving Once the Knave, then we're all better for it. Until next week, may you all enjoy your generic pop tarts in peace.